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Saturday, August 2, 2014

I Confess!

Today, I am going to confess to something that I recently realized about my blogging self: I dread writing reviews. *le gasps*

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Please don't tell me.
I know this seems crazy when you have a review blog but I didn't really start reading to review books. I read books because I love them. It's who I am ever since I can remember. But then on 2009, Goodreads came along and I was introduced to a whole new level of loving books. It will then take me a year or so before I started reviewing. I sucked big time at first (but I still think I do BTW) and I really looked up to those reviewers who were clearly more eloquent than me.

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Me when I started blogging.
Then I thought why don't I create my own niche? I pretty much know what to do, what to talk about, what I like and don't like in my books. So I created this little blog here and everything was on point for a while. Until, I took a humungous blogging hiatus not too long after and it's been troubling me why I can't seem to enjoy books like I did before.

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Every once in a while I get like this, and yes, I inhabit a male human form at a beach.
Last week I finally got to pinpoint the main source of this unrecognizable hamper in my reading lurve. It is surprisingly because reviewing books don't excite me

Every time I start a book, this internal critic would wake up inside my head, and I would read a book while it points out stuff and I have to write notes to remember. This makes my reading experience quite jarring. Then when I'm this close to finishing, I find that I would keep on putting it off because it means I'm finally going to write a review. This cycle would obviously repeat, and before long the black-hearted reading slump monster would rear its ugly head.

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How can something you love make you frustrated and happy at the same time?
Don't get me wrong. I love writing and sharing anything about books. It definitely makes me happy when I inspire someone to pick up a book because they appreciated my review. I think I'm dreading the process itself, of having to read a book and having to write a review afterwards. Or maybe, I just really miss reading for myself and I long for the push to just keep on reading books after books and not having a care in the world.

It's also strange because what I struggle with the most is the thought of writing another review. I don't know how to adequately explain it. I fret when I'm about to begin writing, but once I'm in the zone I'm happy, and then once I'm done I feel so accomplished. It's like the feeling of having done something right.
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Me after finishing a review. I vomit rainbows. Wanna know my secret?

I do think I have a problem with my reviewing process since I tend to review books right after finishing them. So I don't actually let the reading mojo build up, not like when I finish one book after another. I'm looking into changing this but I am not really effective when I review books in sets or in groups.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, I would like to ask everyone if you ever had this kind of feeling? Am I alone in this? If I am, then tell me what to do. I am overthinking again? Do I need help? What steps do you think I need to take?

50 comments:

  1. Aw, shucks. I once felt the same way, and that reviewing was a priority and must. I didn't take it as a hobby or a love, it was more of a job, in a way. That was 6 months ago. Today, I adore blogging and interacting with other bookworms. I guess the only way to not see it like that is by really expressing your feelings and by interacting with so many bloggers and get them to inspire you. I met tons of people whose reviews are so amazing, and I made goals to love blogging.

    Hmm... I think that you should just take it easy. Give everything some time, and see how your feelings develop. What are you doing when reviewing that frustrates you? Is it the amount of time that you take writing your reviews? (I take a long time, haha) Narrow it down and then see what's the real problem. Enjoy your reading more, by finding quotes and updating your Goodreads and blogger friends (Like me!) on how your read is going, and then quickly review it with your pleasure.

    Oh gosh, I sound like an advice columnist! Take it easy, hun, you can get through it! :D

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    1. I am so glad I have a friend who has a knack for advice giving. ;) I hear you, Michelle. I'm enjoying much more right now because of the awesome bookish people I've met and became friends with. I know I should take it easy but it's so difficult to turn off this neurotic being inside of me. But I'm going to really try my best this time and just stop pressuring myself.

      Thank you, thank you so much for your input, Michelle! XO

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  2. Hey, I'm reviewing books right after finishing them as well! I love that...It's still fresh in my memory and it's easier (IMO.) Like you, it first started on Gooreads in 2012. I think I was 15 at that time and I only created that account so I can look for books I never heard of. Also, I LOVED giving a rating. It felt so good; like you have a say on the book you know? So much power with a rating ahahhahaha. That was BEFORE. Then, in February 2014, I started adding some friends and really reading reviews. My first reviews had like 40 words. But Khanh (starred reviewer) ''liked'' them so I was like OH MY GOD, but they were not even good enough to be liked. So, I started making longer ones that deserved Khanh's likes. It weird how an impact she had one me. I felt like people actually READ my reviews and it felt GOOD. Slowly, I started making more detailed reviews and interacting with others. I remember that at first I was really stressed and reserved since I didn't know if being REALLY honest and saying whatever was on my heart was a good thing. BUT, that's what everyone wants; honest feelings about the book and the reading experience. Anyway where I'am going?? Oh yeah! So I did feel like you do for a while but now it just feels good to clarify my thoughts in a review and I find them easy to write. Like, do you have a plan? A layout? In every one of my reviews, I never forget to write about:

    -The MC
    -The secondary characters
    -The romance
    -The love interest
    -The pacing
    -The plot/creativity
    -The writing
    -The cover (usually)
    -What I REALLY loved
    -What I really didn't like

    When I think about those things, it just comes (the words) more easily. I hope I answered your questions. Hmm, you're fine ;) It's sad that you don't enjoy reviewing though. Oh Sarah, I don't want you to stop reviewing :( Maybe you can do random posts and discussions until you find your motivation for reviewing again?

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    1. Khanh is like a review goddess! Haha! She's so good and hilarious. That would really inspire me too. For me, it was Wendy Darling that really got me into reviewing. She's just so good. I don't have a reviewing layout. I just go with what feels right. I guess I do have talking points like you have but I don't always include them all.

      I enjoy reviewing, really. It's just that when I'm about to sit down and finally write, I get scared or intimidated that I won't be able to write what I want to write or give the book the justice it deserves. I guess I will always have this problem until I grow a spine and stop being such a perfectionist.

      Thank you for your advise, Lola. It really means a lot to me.

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  3. I sometimes don't feel like writing reviews, particularly if I love the book. But mostly I like writing them as long as I do it differently, you know like...use gifs and random quotes and fun pictures and joke about the book and JUST HAVE FUN. I have to write my reviews straight after I read the book though, or I'll completely forget what I wanted to say. I have an awesome memory like that. Swiss cheese it is. XD

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    1. With all the books we're reading left and right, it's not surprising that we have really poor memories, Cait. Haha! I do think you're right. Maybe if I find a way for reviewing to become exciting and different each time then I wouldn't dread it as much. FUN is always the keyword.

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  4. LOL!! Actually, I'm right there with you. I'm pretty sure a lot of book bloggers feel the same way. I've been doing this for four years now and, really, it just doesn't get easier. But coming up with creative, fun ways to do reviews that work for *you* really helps. Still, why do it? I do it because I love talking books with other people! :)

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    1. It doesn't get any easier? Ok, I think I really need to buckle up then. Yes, I would look into having a more fun way of doing things so I can enjoy as well. I totally agree with you, Mary. It all boils down to our love for books. I don't think I could have lasted this long if not for that simple fact.

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  5. I COMPLETELY feel you. I think the best way to handle this sort of thing, especially if you like reviewing but feel overwhelmed by it in general which leads you to dread writing them.. then I think it's important to cut back on reviewing and read more books just for the hell of it. I do that a lot and don't even review every single book and that just makes thing a whole lot easier for me.

    I actually dread writing reviews too but for me when I get to writing them I just have so much to say that it all starts pouring out. I have to say though, the whole reviewing process has made me a lot more critical so even when I am reading a book for myself, I constantly pick up on things and tear them apart mentally. I am starting to get a better hang over it but sometimes it's hard to separate my reviewing self from my reading self... *sigh*

    Also I never actually write a review immediately after I read a book so as to help me process the book and to give me some space so that... I don't dread finishing the book .-. I write it the day after and then I basically reward myself with another book :D

    I think the no.1 step I would suggest is to perhaps take a step back and remember you do this for fun so when you start dreading it, you might need a break and a few more 'freebie' books in the middle that you don't need to review so that you can ACTUALLY enjoy them! :)

    *hugs*
    I hope it all gets better for you, Sarah

    Rashika @ The Social Potato

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    1. Cut back on reviewing and read more books for me...Ok, I'll do that. *gulps* Maybe after like September when I'm not drowning too much on my review books. *sobs*

      I know, Rashika. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the way it was before when just my reading self is reading books. I will have to look into reviewing a book the next day because it might just not work but hey, nothing to lose right?

      Thanks so much, Rashika! *hugs back*

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  6. This is totally normal. I'm dealing with this problem right now. I haven't posted a review on my blog since June. I still read and write very short, 2-3 sentence reviews on Goodreads because I don't feel the pressure there, like I do on my blog. You should stop worrying about it because that only makes it worse. I know from my experience. I was under so much stress to write good reviews I didn't want to read for almost a month. I still have some problems with setting my reading challenges too high. Even if I end up finishing the goal, I still want to be able to say 'Yes,I read 2 or 3 books more than I initially intended'. I'm crazy like that.

    You should be able to have fun with your blog so it doesn't end up being a chore. Even though you should feel proud about your reviews, you also shouldn't take them so seriously. It's not like you're getting paid for it. It's something you LOVE to do. :)

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    1. I just checked your blog and you already have a new review so I think you're over this? Good for you! That's good news for me since it means anyone can get past this.

      I totally agree with you about reviewing stress. I don't want to just write a review. I want to write a GOOD one. That's why I think I'm in this limbo right now. I'm too much of a perfectionist. Haha. I had to laugh at your reading challenges dilemma. I'm the exact opposite. I set my goal and then I will adjust it to whatever number of books I've read in the end. I'm cheating the system but yeaaah. *cackles madly*

      Have fun! Gotcha! Thanks so much for your lovely advise Zemira!

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  7. I AM THE SAME WAY SARAH! I know exactly how I feel about a book (whether I liked it or not, what I didn't like about it, what I did like about it, etc), but sometimes it's just hard putting those feelings into words, you know? But when I start typing my review, everything just starts pouring out, you know? It's just getting the motivation to start that's really the problem for me.

    I think you should try not to think about reviewing when you're reading a book and just read for you. Once you're finished, then you can take the time to think about what you thought about the book. If you try to think about writing a review while reading, that can really make your reading experience a bit glum, and you might even miss things you do / don't like as a result.

    Hope everything gets better for you Sarah! <3

    ~ Zoe @ The Infinite To-Read Shelf

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    1. Yes, words are temperamental sometimes. They just can't sit nicely, while we mold them to our liking. Sigh. But I do love the feeling of pulling my hair out before writing the review and feeling so special once I'm done. That feeling of accomplishment is what keeps me going.

      How do you read just for you? That's what I can't do. I hate to be so lost after finishing a book that I can't even string words together. It's why I need notes in the first place. But I will surely try to make a little difference in how I do things.

      Thank you so much Zoe. This too shall pass. I hope! :)

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  8. I honestly don't think you are alone in this at all. I love reading, I even love blogging and all that comes with it but reviews still make me twitchy. Especially when I loved a book so much I am afraid my review won't do it justice.

    I do dread writing reviews sometimes as well, especially again, when I have really loved or disliked a book. It is such a hard balance to find to be able to enjoy a book and still write an okay review.

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    1. Yes! The feeling that you're inadequate to review the book because it was so good! I feel this all the time when it comes to books I loved. I really wish finding this balance is not so hard, but we still push through because this is what we do.

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  9. You are feeling completely normal - we all seem to go through these ups and downs, not matter if you've been blogging a few months or years. When it comes to reviews, I try to switch things up by writing my reviews in different ways. Also, by trying reading and writing about different genres and age groups. Just take a step back and try to enjoy yourself! :)

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    1. I will take a step back. I think that's the thing I need the most. After September, I'm so going to take a huge break. I'm looking into switching things up as well. Thank you so much, Kim! :)

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  10. ugh. reviews. i hate writing them, but... since i own a writing/book blog i have to! XD

    but yeah. reviews = DREADED.

    for a lot of people.

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    1. Haha! I am so glad I'm not alone in this, Tabby. That alone made me feel so much better. :)

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  11. I AGREE. I don't mind writing reviews for books I love, but if it's a book I feel eh or hated, I suddenly feel burdened on how negative I should be, what points really matter, what don't, etc. And thinking about the review while reading definitely kills the book for me.

    I'm still learning my way around reviewing, so hopefully I'll get use to it and have a system going in the future.

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    1. I think no matter how long I stay in this reviewing life, I don't think I'll ever get a system I can work with. I don't like systems and rules and schedules. I'm more likely to falter or procrastinate if I have them. xD I hope you do find a way that will work for you, Anah!

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  12. Sarahhhhh, you are not alone. I get this every time. I sometimes really miss those times that I used to read books without thinking 'I have to review this.' To be honest, I suck at writing reviews. I'm never eloquent enough- at least that's how I feel. So I really don't look forward to writing them at all. They've always kinda felt like a chore. If you're feeling the same way, I say take a break! I did this just recently and now I'm excited to write reviews again since I only wrote like three last July! I feel like I have so many books to recommend and talk about and want to share them to everybody. :)

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    1. I just had a blogging hiatus and I would feel really bad if I get another break! I don't think the blog can handle it. Haha. Yes to not feeling eloquent enough. I think you've done well with your reviews Hazel, btw, but I think we all feel a little bit insecure sometimes. Thank you so much for the advise! I am so glad you feel the same way. It's nice to know you're not alone. :')

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  13. THIS POST IS SO RELATABLE AND I LOVE IT OKAY.

    I find myself so much more critical when reading now, like I'll be reading and it won't just be reading. It'll be reading AND reviewing. It feels like the review is not attached to everything I read so I'll be underlining lines with my Kobo and such. This really does detach you from the flow of the story, can't believe I haven't thought of that before.

    Alike you, reading my published reviews does fill me with an sense of accomplishment. It's like hey, look you strung words together and managed to sound somewhat knowledgeable. Wooo.However, starting these reviews is always the challenge. I'll begin by filling in all of the basic info (author, release date, etc.) and slowly type that first paragraph. I always find that paragraph the hardest. I'll come back to it again and again and it just won't sound right. When I finish that paragraph though, words tend to spill out from me. I then usually have the issue of talking too much and typing up a way too large review :P

    Great post Sarah (:

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    1. Thank you, Larissa!! Yes, the first paragraph will always be the hardest and then before we know it, we already have a humongous review. Haha!

      I highlight like crazy too! Then sometimes if Adobe Digital Edition would be extra difficult, I would lose all my notes and my highlights and I'd feel so lost. I wish I could read just for myself but if I'm going to be asked if I want a do-over, I would keep on doing this without hesitation.

      Thank you so much for opening up! I am so glad I am not alone in this, Larissa.

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  14. I'm so glad I'm not the only one going through this! I try my hardest to write the review right after I put down the book for the last time, but if I didn't take notes I find I have to go back and thumb through pages just to get the facts right. I try to write notes, but it just takes away from the enjoyment of getting lost in another world. I have to discipline myself though.

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    1. Note-taking is such a huge bog down really. I want to just get rid of this habit but I find that I'm more distracted than anything if I don't do it. We all get around this bump one way or another, Megan. Thanks for sharing! It really meant a lot!

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  15. Ohhhhhhhh yeah. At every point every blogger goes through this I think. Every time this happens to me I end up either spending some days hanging out with friends and taking a break from reading or just doing a hiatus altogether so I'd recommend one of those :D

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    1. I will when the schedule permits, Nikki! I definitely wish this is just a phase. Thanks for the advise! I will keep it in mind. :)

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  16. YES TO THIS! I used to get excited about writing reviews a few years ago when my friends and I created a book blog, but now it's an entirely different story. I think it has to do with the amount of writing I had to do for school requirements and then writing for fun has become difficult. I also never developed that habit of taking notes while reading a novel so I'm pretty sure I'm not articulate enough in my reviews. There might even be amiss in some of them. haha

    And I don't know Sarah, I think you're a good reviewer! Why don't you take a short reading break? Read a book you don't have to review in-between those you have to? Or eat chocolate while writing them? In all seriousness, I find that munching on snacks helps me think while studying/writing. :)

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    1. School can definitely dampen the fun. It's the main reason why I neglected this blog for so long. Thanks so much, Dea. I do think you're better than me in so many ways so I don't think you need to take notes at all.

      I devour Chupa Chups and it helps get me focused! And chocolate does the trick too. I think we all need to take a break at some point and I'm going to take mine once I'm ready to leave the blog on its own for just a short while.

      Thanks so much, Dea! I am glad to know you have experienced this before. It makes me feel a ton better knowing I'll get through this. :)

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  17. Wow, this is a really great and thoughtful post Sarah! I must admit, I love writing especially reviews in general because I get to let out my thoughts on a book. But it isn't for everyone. I guess it's about finding a way to write a review that works for you, some people use dot points, some people use lots of gifs, some people break their reviews down. I hope you get to find your mojo soon <3

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    1. I wish I could be more like you, Jeann, but you know that already. I will definitely find a way to write a review that'll work for me. I might go for GIFs but we will see. Thank you so much, Jeann! :)

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  18. It's interesting to see that not only you but many bloggers have this problem. I have never experienced it. Yes, it happens that I don't feel inspired that day and I cannot write a proper review, but tomorrow is a new day. But honestly my reviewing depends on the book itself. If it moves me and I feel it then my review will be much better. I do however have problems with books that I have mixed feelings about. Those are hard to review, but I don't dread it.
    I'm sorry you feel this way and I really hope that soon enough you'll find that joy in writing reviews. Great post, Sarah.

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    1. Yes, you're absolutely right! It would depend upon the book whether it'll inspire me to write a review or not. I guess I really have a problem with overthinking and complaining about things too much. Heh. I find it difficult, yes, but I still do love doing it. Thank you so much, Tanja!

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  19. I don't think this is an uncommon problem, and it's one I have sometimes! I don't 100% hate writing reviews, and sometimes I'm in the mood to do it, but a lot of the time it seems very daunting. (And sometimes I slow down at the end to put off reviewing too, haha!) I have a few strategies for dealing with this feeling, though.

    1. I wait for a reviewing mood to strike me. If the words aren't coming, I don't force them - I try again the next day. I usually am most productive and do my best thinking in the morning, so I generally write my reviews during that time.

    2. I don't always write my reviews all at once. Sometimes I just write a paragraph or two at a time.

    3. I often start writing my review before I even finish the book. Of course, if I change my mind about something, I have to do some editing, but usually I don't have to. This makes the task of reviewing seem less overwhelming when you turn the last page.

    I hope you can overcome this feeling, and thanks for the great, honest post!

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    1. Ah, Emily! I'm glad to know you experiences this at times as well. I love your reviews so you have no idea how you made me feel so much better. :)

      I can't think in the morning but I find that words easily comes in the wee hours of the morning. Very inconvenient. I usually write a paragraph or so as well! But I realized that once I started a new book and I haven't written a review yet for the previous one, I would be so distracted and I'd end up writing the review anyway. And holy shiz, Emily. I used to write my reviews before I finish the book too! Especially if it's a book that I really loved or really hated. I'm happy I'm not the only one doing that.

      Thank you so much for all the tips, Emily.

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  20. I get edgy too when writing a review, but when I get over the "omg what to write wHAAAT" I'll just basically dump my thoughts in 3-5 paragraphs and some gifs to emphasize HOHOHO. Try to write it slowly- don't rush and don't think about writing a review after reading a book. Give it a break. Maybe a day or two is enough? :D Great post :) This is an internal conflict among bloggers :D

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    1. Aw, Abby. I wish I could turn off my brain so I won't think so much about reviewing while reading. I would really look into having breaks before reviewing. Thank you so much for the advise, Abby! :D

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  21. I think everyone before me has said what needed to be said~ It's the motivation to write reviews that sucks, but when you're in the groove, it just pours out, and I feel the exact same way. I remember before when I started blogging, I was churning out review after review, but then around August 2013, I got really tired. I was dreading writing another review, dreading reading another book, so I took a long kinda-break. Kinda because I still reviewed and read, but only once a week, and the rest of the days I took my time playing video games like crazy haha! In any case, everyone has given their sound advice on the matter. Maybe have a more structured review layout so you know what to say and expect? Maybe try reading for yourself for a few weeks and forget about reviewing? You can make discussion posts for the meantime or similar "I Confess!" posts. Everyone's been there and you're definitely not alone!

    Faye at The Social Potato

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    1. Motivation is the key! It's what I'm missing right now, really. Video games never fail to save the day! Haha! When I was on hiatus that's what I did day and night before I decided to come back. You can only play so much games until you have to face reality.

      Layout? Check. Reading for myself? Check. I will do everything in my power to get through this. Lol! I actually have a lot of reviews written so I think I'm all good. I just really wanted to know if I'm alone in this feeling and I am so glad I am not. Thank God for this community.

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  22. I definitely feel like this with some books- the books which don't particularly evoke any strong feelings in me. If there's nothing I really enjoyed but nothing in particular I didn't like either. Just a feeling of meh. So hard to review those properly!

    Honestly, if you feel like reviewing books is draining you, my advice would be: just don't do it. Book blogs don't have to be about reviews- you can do whatever you like, and until you feel like writing reviews again- maybe it might be worth focusing on other aspects of the blog!

    I remember there was a period that lasted a few weeks where I just could not be screwed writing reviews- and so I didn't. But then I read a really shitty book and was like I MUST GET THESE FEELINGS OF HATE ON PAPER! and got into the reviewing groove again. So...read a crap book? lol

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    1. Read a crappy book? Gotcha. You know what? That, I think, usually works with me. I would hate to stop reviewing because there's just something about having your thoughts formed in one cohesive whole and shared and interacted that is amazing to me. I might take a break soonish and I hope it'd help. Thanks so much, Nara! :)

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  23. I review right after I read also. As I'm reading, I'm thinking about what I want my review to say, and often take notes. If I'm not that excited about a book, or if I don't know what to say, my review is usually shorter, and that's OK. I write what I'm feeling, and don't hold myself to a certain length or format. For example, I don't usually quote from books, but sometimes I do. I try to make it a "from the gut" thing -- not over thinking. Of course, my reviews probably aren't that good, but it's what it do. It doesn't cause me extra stress.

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    1. I love this, Annette. You are so right. Reviewing should come from the gut. Sometimes I'm just too caught up with wanting to impress the right people that I keep on forgetting this. Thank you so much. I really think I should stop stressing out and just do what feels right with me.

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  24. You're definitely not alone. We all go through the same slumps where it starts to feel like a chore. For me, the trick is to get back into reading purely for the love of books and forget about the reviews. I find even now that it's the 'meh' books that I have trouble reviewing, those you can't get into but there's nothing majorly wrong with them.

    The last time I went through that depressing anti review stage, I gave my blog a makeover. It always seems to be my go to device to excite me to get back into it.

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    1. Blog makeover! I did that when I came back and I was so excited to show everyone what my newly polished blog looks like. It definitely put back the swing into the things again. I am glad you get past your slump and I feel extra relieve that I could get past this as well. Thank you so much, Kelly!

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  25. I was in your position a month ago! I did not confess though :P Reviewing can be very overwhelming. I remember the first time I received arc's for review and also review requests by authors. I was so excited! Then they started piling up and I forgot how to read for 'pleasure' It's like a chore now and reading is not supposed to be that way, right?

    So, what I did was.. I abandoned everything!

    No that was a joke, please don't do that. HAHAHA. I just took a break. I picked up a book that I really wanted to read. Not just because it has a deadline or because it needs to be reviewed, but because I want to read it. Then I started missing reviewing. And slowly, I got back on track! :)

    I hope you get encouraged again! We need all the beautiful Pinay Bloggers we could have! :D Oh and welcome to hangouts! I cannot properly say HI because of my crappy internet, but HELLO!

    Paula M. @ Her Book Thoughts!

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    1. Aww, Paula. You flutter me so! Let's just say, I confessed for you! XD I'm actually slightly tempted to just abandoned ship but I already did that and my credibility is like hanging by one tiny finger. Haha! I would take a break. I think that's what I really need. I need to just prepare for it and I would do it. Besides, it's really high time for me to give my dust-collector books the attention they deserve.

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