Today, I am going to confess to something that I recently realized about my blogging self: I dread writing reviews. *le gasps*
|Please don't tell me.|
I know this seems crazy when you have a review blog but I didn't really start reading to review books. I read books because I love them. It's who I am ever since I can remember. But then on 2009, Goodreads came along and I was introduced to a whole new level of loving books. It will then take me a year or so before I started reviewing. I sucked big time at first (but I still think I do BTW) and I really looked up to those reviewers who were clearly more eloquent than me.
|Me when I started blogging.|
Then I thought why don't I create my own niche? I pretty much know what to do, what to talk about, what I like and don't like in my books. So I created this little blog here and everything was on point for a while. Until, I took a humungous blogging hiatus not too long after and it's been troubling me why I can't seem to enjoy books like I did before.
Last week I finally got to pinpoint the main source of this unrecognizable hamper in my reading lurve. It is surprisingly because reviewing books don't excite me.
|Every once in a while I get like this, and yes, I inhabit a male human form at a beach.|
Every time I start a book, this internal critic would wake up inside my head, and I would read a book while it points out stuff and I have to write notes to remember. This makes my reading experience quite jarring. Then when I'm this close to finishing, I find that I would keep on putting it off because it means I'm finally going to write a review. This cycle would obviously repeat, and before long the black-hearted reading slump monster would rear its ugly head.
|How can something you love make you frustrated and happy at the same time?|
Don't get me wrong. I love writing and sharing anything about books. It definitely makes me happy when I inspire someone to pick up a book because they appreciated my review. I think I'm dreading the process itself, of having to read a book and having to write a review afterwards. Or maybe, I just really miss reading for myself and I long for the push to just keep on reading books after books and not having a care in the world.
It's also strange because what I struggle with the most is the thought of writing another review. I don't know how to adequately explain it. I fret when I'm about to begin writing, but once I'm in the zone I'm happy, and then once I'm done I feel so accomplished. It's like the feeling of having done something right.
|Me after finishing a review. I vomit rainbows. Wanna know my secret?|
I do think I have a problem with my reviewing process since I tend to review books right after finishing them. So I don't actually let the reading mojo build up, not like when I finish one book after another. I'm looking into changing this but I am not really effective when I review books in sets or in groups.
Now that the cat is out of the bag, I would like to ask everyone if you ever had this kind of feeling? Am I alone in this? If I am, then tell me what to do. I am overthinking again? Do I need help? What steps do you think I need to take?